When Faith is Shaken...

I read an article about a well-known worship duo who have recorded music over the last few years that actually made me sad. The husband has now declared himself an atheist. The wife is struggling and has now decided not to identify with Christianity. I want to first state that there is no condemnation or judgment in what I am about to write. I do not know these people however it does break my heart.

It causes me to ask this question: How does one end up coming to this conclusion? What causes people to have such a crisis in faith?

I look back over the course of my life and find that there have been many crisis’ of faith. There have been many struggles, many circumstances that have blindsided me.

There have been times where I have questioned who God was in the situation but I must say that I have never thought of turning my back on Him.

It will be 10 years ago this coming February where I had a huge crisis of faith when my niece was diagnosed with cancer. It shook my world. It rattled my cage. It broke my heart. It stopped me dead in my tracks. I was weakened by such a tragedy. There were times we came close to losing her.

I remember reaching out to my family of faith when I couldn’t or didn’t have the faith on my own. I listened to songs for comfort. I learned quickly that I needed to bury myself in my relationship with Jesus. I knew I couldn’t do this on my own.

Thankfully, my niece beat the cancer. It had nothing to do with my strength or faith. It had everything to do with trusting God in the midst of the dark season of the soul. It helped me develop my faith and make it stronger.

Seven Years ago, my Dad was diagnosed and ultimately was defeated by cancer in a 13 week battle. Again, an earth shattering experience, faith shaking experience. Was I mad at God? Yes, for a while. It hurt to lose him. That was a hard one to face. I had believed that God was a God who healed. I had believed that God was a good God. I had believed that God was for me and not against me. I had believed that God loved me.

So if God was all of those things, why did He allow my Dad to go through this battle and lose?

It didn’t seem fair.

It wasn’t fair, if you asked my finite mind.

In the end, I came to this conclusion: My Dad still got healed. It just didn’t happen the way I wanted it to.

And here lies the issue. I try and figure out the ways of God. I try to dictate to God how He should do things.

It’s not wrong to question God BUT the longer I stay there, doubt will take over. Doubt in itself isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Did I doubt God in these two examples I shared? Yes. But I also allowed my doubt to propel me into trusting God. My doubt caused me to make a choice, a decision. I choose to believe.

I choose to believe that God is a God who heals EVEN THOUGH healing didn’t come the way I wanted.

I choose to believe that God is a good God EVEN THOUGH it seems like things are falling apart.

I choose to believe that God is for me and not against me EVEN THOUGH some of my connections may change.

I choose to believe that God loves me EVEN THOUGH I give Him plenty of reasons to turn His back on me.

I’ve had too many experiences to let go of.

I’ve had too many encounters to let go of.

I’ve come too far to turn my back on God now.

Where could I go to get away from Him?

I know that in the last days there will be a great falling away. I don’t want to fall away. I need to stay plugged in.

I don’t want to sing about Him. I want to sing to Him.

Psalm 139:7-12

⁷ Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
⁸ If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in ^[c]hell, behold, You are there.
⁹ If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
¹⁰ Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness shall ^[d]fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
¹² Indeed, the darkness ^[e]shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

Even when I don't think He's there, I have to believe that He is. When I can't feel Him, He's there. 

How else do I think I got to where I am today? Did I do it on my own? No.  

In the end, I have to surrender my doubts and questions and place them at the Feet of Jesus... at the foot of the Cross. 

I have to trust God. Period.  

Jesus told a parable of two men who built on 2 different kinds of foundations. One built on the rock, something stable and secure. The other built on the sand, which is not stable and secure. Both looked the same until the storm came. The storm reveals much about the foundations. Either we will be found standing after the storm or else we will be destroyed after the storm. 

I must take the time every so often and consider the foundation. I must go back to the foundation of my faith from time to time and examine it. 

 

I pray for this husband and wife that they will encounter God in such a way that will change their hearts and minds toward Him. I pray that even in the midst of questions and doubts that those questions and doubts will propel them into a place of trusting God rather than turning their back on Him and forget their identity.

I pray for myself that I will guard my heart and mind and not allow the enemy to bring me to that place where I lose sight of the important things and turn my back on God.

I pray that we all will keep the fire of First Love burning in our hearts.